Bittersweet Christmas

Well Christmas certainly flew by right in front of me! Its already January 3rd somehow.

We did our best to have a good Christmas. We miss Evie more and more everyday and i was so sad not being able to see her face when she came to see what santa brought or tear into presents and sit in Santas lap. All of these things are of course me just being selfish because why we she want to do those things. She was at the party of the year, helping Jesus open his presents and sitting in his lap! Kind of puts things in perspective. I know she would not want to come back but i sure want her here. In a way i was kind of ready for Christmas to be over. I wanted to enjoy it and i did through Ramseys eyes but pretty much i didn't care. I sometimes get to the point where i feel guilty if i am enjoying myself. I know that Evie wants me to but it is still hard. The holidays cant help but stay busy and the world still is turning so we are trying to still make the best of each day. Ramsey certainly helps me do that.

Here is a quick glimpse into our past few weeks!

Jonathans birthday was December 19th and i already had a surprise planned for him before Evie passed away so we decided to still do it. We thought it would be good for us to get away and spend time just the two of us. We headed downtown and spent the night at the Peabody Hotel then i had his friends meet us at Itta Bena on Beale. He was very surprised! We woke up Saturday and had a couples massage, watched the Peabody Ducks come to the lobby, ate breakfast at The Arcade, went to the Lorraine Motel, Rock and Soul Museum and then Graceland! A full day of Memphis things. We both were born and raised here but there are so many things we haven't done and don't know about Memphis, so it was very interesting!
I went to a play group with friends. I have stated over and over how blessed i am with sweet friends and i am glad they got this together. I thought it would be good for me and Ramsey but i had such a hard time and broke down to them at the end. It was so hard seeing all the kids running around playing but Evie wasn't there. It made me miss her more than i thought it would. Even the daily mundane things like getting her ready, putting her in the car seat and then unloading her. I only had one child to do, it was kind of depressing. Two is normal, one is not. I know Ramsey had fun playing with her friends so that helped make it better.
Christmas Eve rolled around and i totally forgot we never took a picture with Santa! So we headed to the Avenue and he was still there. The girls started to recognize Santa and would say hohoho and point him out so i wasn't sure if Ramsey would get upset or not. Last year they just sat there. We walked in the store and Ramsey froze! haha she was terrifed. She didn't cry... yet..but she just stared at him. She finally went and sat on the bench near him then got to courage to walk in front of him..while watching him of course. Then we deicded to back her into him and then take the pic real fast...this is what happened..

Why do we torture our kids like this! ha

i don't remember if i mentioned this in other blogs but Maddie is sick and started getting sick the wkd after Evie passed away. She wouldn't eat, was throwing up and so we took her into the vet and they discovered she was in Kidney failure, that was my breaking point. This certainly caused my screaming crying meltdown that i was told would eventually happen. She spent the whole week before Christmas at the vet and they would be giving her fluid during the day and we brought her home at night. She wouldn't eat for the vet or us. She didn't even want our food! Her energy started coming back because of the fluids. Since the vet was closed for Christmas we were not allowed to get her at night during the wkd. I have to mention for those that don't know, that i gave Maddie to Jonathan on Christmas eve 9 years ago. So our first Christmas without Maddie or Evie. Another reason i just wanted it to be over! We were finally able to get her Monday Morning and she seemed to be feeling much better and finally ate some food for us. Oh and another extremely generous anonymous person paid our entire vet bill, Can you believe it?! I pray that if you are reading this that God blesses you so much! I am thankful for you!

Doesnt she look pitiful?

Here are some Christmas pics!

Christmas Eve at Papaws

Santa came to Nana and Papas house!

Christmas Day at Chris and Claires

Playing with friends in her new bounce house that takes up most of my parents playroom :)

Next post is all Disney :)