A child life specialist at Lebonheur suggested Ramsey release a balloon to symbolize Evie being gone and and not coming back. Seems rather harsh but we were told to be very concrete with her so that is what we have been doing. We bought two balloons one with Evies picture for Ramsey and another one for us or for her if she got upset about the other one. We got to Evies gravesite and she did much better this time. When we went to the gravesite the day after her funeral, Ramsey laid down on the ground and didn't make a sound. It was so crazy to see. It was like she knew Evie was there or something. She went to the car fine but when we were leaving she had an absolute meltdown. We had to pull over and take her out of her car seat to try to comfort her and nothing worked, we tried to hold her, she wanted down, we put her down she wanted us to hold her. I have never seen her act that way and it was heartbreaking. I don't know if at that moment she realized Evie was gone or what. She finally calmed down and she hasn't done that since. She has actually been very sweet and happy which comforts us and helps us get through each day, so i am thankful for that. Please continue to pray for her little heart.
We headed to the car and after we strapped Ramsey in , Evie's balloon broke away from the tree and floated away. We told ourselves Evie wanted to hang out with us until we left :) We watched the balloon as long as we could until we couldn't see it anymore.
Anyway, i gave her the one with Evies picture on it and she immediately let it go and that silly balloon got stuck in the tree...
..and the whole time Ramsey is saying sissy sissy..i couldn't help but laugh, how ironic is that. You are telling your child to tell her sister bye and she isn't coming back and you release the balloon and it sticks in the tree next to us!
..and the whole time Ramsey is saying sissy sissy..i couldn't help but laugh, how ironic is that. You are telling your child to tell her sister bye and she isn't coming back and you release the balloon and it sticks in the tree next to us! It was actually very emotional for us as well. Reality set in for sure, she really is never coming back. I find myself saying it over and over and i just can't believe it. I was holding the other balloon and i almost couldn't give it to Ramsey to let go. I didn't want Ramsey to have it because she just let the other one go without thinking and this had to be structured, right?! Then i thought about what Taylor said at Evies Funeral, we should have child like faith. Ramsey released her balloon without thinking. Why could i not do that? Why should releasing a balloon be so hard? Just do it Alicia, give Evie to God, let go of the balloon! I let her have it, she held it for a little while and then there it went, floating away freely going where the wind took it and then it was gone.
We headed to the car and after we strapped Ramsey in , Evie's balloon broke away from the tree and floated away. We told ourselves Evie wanted to hang out with us until we left :) We watched the balloon as long as we could until we couldn't see it anymore.
I never realized how releasing a balloon would be so emotional and symbolic at the same time. I am glad she told us to do that, i think it helped me more than Ramsey but she will understand it more when she is older. I definitely think this is something we will continue to do on their birthdays and other special times.Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. Proverbs 3:5-6
in other words..release your "balloons" he will take them were they need to go!
Such a beautiful story. I am sure Evie was there and knew what you needed to help you. You are so true about letting "our balloons" go and give it to God. Love you guys and will keep on praying!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing with all of us. I continue to pray for your sweet family every day!
ReplyDeleteAlicia - I continue to pray for you and your family each day. Thank you for sharing this. I am amazed and inspired by you!
ReplyDeleteso touching...and so heartbreaking...what a powerful post. praying for you and your sweet family.
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for you and your family! Those pictures are beautiful, yet so heartbreaking. As a mommy, I find myself praying for you most specifically, but I will now be sure to say extra prayers for Ramsey (and your husband) as I can't even begin to imagine what her little heart is going through. Although we are strangers, your story has touched me beyond words.
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers,
Christina
WOW tears falling so hard and fast - I have chills and can NOT imagin the pain you all feel. I just wish I had a way to make it better to take some of the pain. All I can do it pray and please know that my family is praying for you all daily! My daughter is 3 son is 2 and they know Ramsey and Evie from pictures - feels kind of weird to say they know someone from the internet, but they do. We will continue to pray!
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing Alicia. what a beautiful idea. praying for Ramsey
ReplyDeleteI cannot even imagine what you and your family are going through right now. I think about you all the time and even though we dont know each other, your loss has weighed heavily on my heart. Your strength is so amazing to me and I will continue to pray for you, your family and little Ramsey.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful story. We have a lot of siblings here at St Jude that do the same thing. They really do find peace in it & I hope that one day Ramsey does to.
ReplyDeleteWe continue to pray for you all & Noah says his special prayer for Ramsey before bed. Love you guys!
Hi Alicia- I found your blog yesterday through a friend's and want you to know that I've been praying for you ever since. Your loss is weighing heavily on my heart and your words and posts have touched me in ways I couldn't imagine. Please know that I am thinking about you and your family and praying that God will give you peace.
ReplyDeleteWow, thanks for sharing! I have been thinking about you all a lot over the holiday season. May God be with you and your family during this time. Praying for you!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have been saying a prayer for your family every night. I have 22 month old twin boys and cannot imagine one of them losing their twin. Prayers to all of you for staying strong in such a hard time in your lives. I wish I could hug your sweet family.
ReplyDeletexoxo
melissa from S.C.
Heartbreaking...so, so sorry. I have two boys and the thought and idea of what one would do without the other is unimaginable, let alone the intense pain for us Mommy's and Daddy's. I will continue to cover little Ramsey in prayer, as well as you both. Hang in there! We serve a big and mighty God! He is holding you and your family and will carry you through this pain!
ReplyDeletePsalm 30:5 - Weeping may last for a night, but joy will come in the morning!
Rest in His promises for you :)
Hugs, thoughts, and prayers!
Janna from OR
Your family is constantly on my heart and in my prayers. I am holding my babies so much closer every day. Your raw honesty and faith in this time is so amazing. There are no words that I could ever say to give you comfort, but maybe God's Word will help:
ReplyDelete"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14.27)
Peace, sweet peace... this is what I pray for your family. Ramsey is one blessed little girl to have a faithful mommy and daddy. You are teaching her amazing God things through this experience. I am thankful I came across your story and for the ministry you have blessed my heart with. You will be in my prayers always.
With Love,
Shayna Halterman
My heart breaks for you and your family. We lost a baby daughter a few years ago, and though no two people would grieve in exactly the same way, I can feel your pain in such a familiar way. I understand how painful it is to see your remaining child hurt so deeply, because our son was forever changed by the loss of his sister. We, too, have released the balloons on many occassions, and we continue to keep her memory alive in our hearts and in our home. Even years later, there are times that it seems unbearable to accept that she's gone, but God's grace truly is always sufficient. My advice would be to grieve any way you need to, and give yourself permission to "feel" any way you need to to make it through each new day. The pain will never completely go away, but you will begin to heal with God's help. I am praying for your family. God bless! Julie
ReplyDeleteWe have been praying for yall everyday. You and your family are experiencing the worst possible thing a parent can imagine. Your posts are so honest and true and just know that people everywhere are praying for your sweet family and will continue to do so.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this story, Alicia. I think of you guys everyday and will continue to pray for all of you, most especially Ramsey. (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine everything you all are feeling and I pray you continue to turn to the Bible for comfort. We have a family friend who lost one of their twins and were told the same thing about releasing the balloon. It has been 3 years now and Rachel, the remaining twin, asks to release a balloon on their birthday as a way to symbolize that they still remember. The first time we were a part of this, I asked why they did it and she told me a story similar to yours, so very powerful and meaningful for all. Sometimes having that child-like faith is very hard to do just remember God is always there to help.
ReplyDeleteI learned of your loss through Angie Shipman. I think and pray for you and your family regularly. This post is SO powerful that I had to comment. I think of you and your precious family all throughout the day and pray for you everytime the Lord brings you to my mind. Having children of my own, like others have said, this really hit home to me. It has caused me to take more time to play and less time stressing about my house and laundry. Evie Grace has touched so many lives~ She is a precious angel. Thank you for sharing her with us.
ReplyDeleteI am so heart broken for your loss and little Ramsey's. I pray daily for your heart's to heal from this loss. This is the most powerful post I think I have read, ever. I am spending more time with my kids these days and letting my house go. Time is precious, Evie has taught me this. Thank you for sharing her and Ramsey with us. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteDebbie
As Julie said,"No two people grieve in exactly the same way but I can feel your pain", I too somewhat understand how you are feeling. This blog entry especially hit close to home. Shortly after my daughter Emma Noelle passed away on December 5, 2004 we released a balloon as a way of releasing her to God. It was the hardest thing that I ever had to do. Every year on Emma's birthday we release balloons with notes telling her things we would like her to know(one balloon for the number of years she would have been old) and it is still hard for me. Even all these years later I still struggle with grief. It does get easier but the pain never fully goes away. Doing the balloon release does help with the pain of missing her. Thank you for sharing your story with us because it helps other parents know they are not alone and the strength of your faith is a wonderful example. You and your family are in my prayers. I pray that God will give you the peace and strength to get through this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteWe don't know each other. But I want you to know that I pray for your family each day. Losing this precious little doll baby is so heartbreaking! But as believers, we know that God's gives us strength sufficient for the day.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you,
Anonymous
Broke down in tears reading this post. But I loved reading it. I'm praying for you daily. Your family is continually in my thoughts!! Love, Sarah
ReplyDeleteI am praying for your sweet family, and especially for Ramsey. I have twin nieces and they are an extention of eachother, so i can only imagine how hard this is for Ramsey to understand. She is blessed to have parents who believe and rely on the hope of Jesus Christ.
ReplyDeleteI will continue to pray for you all.
On Christmas Eve my family attends the evening mass. Even though all eight of my nieces and nephews are teens, we still go to the children's mass as there is such a sweet innocence about it and it is just feels so right to celebrate the birth of a babe in a manger with little ones. It is chaotic and beautiful. I was keenly aware as I watched my kids and all the others there that night that your heart had to be broken. I hurt deeply for you. In the Catholic faith there is a point in the Mass were we offer our intentions to God, we always include the sick and those who have died. At this Mass we especially think of children and I offered you Evie Grace's name at this prayerful time. There in that sanctuary, candles glowing, a children's orchestra quietly playing Away in a Manger, we prayed for your girl and her twin sister, we especially prayed for Riley's tender heart, that she might have comfort and understanding. It is a small gesture, but I hope that in that moment of prayer a wave of peace washed over you. You have been remembered in prayer every day since. Wishing you peace at this dawn of the new year!
ReplyDeleteMy apologies...my iPad auto corrected Ramsey's name...I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI am really at a loss for words. Our stories are different but our pain and emotions are the same. On August 6th, I found my perfectly healthy five year old in bed unconscious Later that day, we were told that our Leightyn had a brain tumor and there was nothing that could be done. We had to pronounce our daughter brain dead on August 7th. I understand the loss that Ramsey feels. Our three year old daughter still talks about and wonders why Leightyn had to go to Heaven. Mylea and Leightyn were two peas in a pod. I know our stories are different but I want you to know that I am here for you if you ever need to send a vent or emotional breakdown through an email. If you were want to talk about Evie, I would love to hear stories. Both of our families are going through "first" together. Please feel free to email me if I can help you. Praying that GOd gives you the strength that He has given us.
ReplyDeleteMIssy Holmes
mdb9191@yahoo.com
http://www.leightynslifesong.blogspot.com
http://www.lmlmholmeshappenings.blogspot.com
Still praying for you.
ReplyDeleteAlicia,
ReplyDeleteSomeone sent me your blog last week. I guess because we are walking similar journeys. My 15 week old son, Thomas died on December 10th at Vanderbilt Hospital due to a heart defect. He was 15 weeks old and has a twin brother named James. I am so sorry for your loss. This is a journey that no mother wants to walk through. I am grateful to Jesus and the comfort He has given our family over these last weeks. I have said and will continue to say prayers on behalf of you, your husband, and daughter, Ramsey. If you ever want to email, my address is janna.mcgregor@gmail.com.
God bless.
Janna
http://mcgregorsrus.blogspot.com/
I have just learned of your sweet baby girl and wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I lost one of my triplet daughters when she was 14 months old, nearly 3 years ago. If you want to email with a fellow bereaved mom of multiples who is also a believer, I am here. We are praying for you that the God of all comfort will give you peace in your heart. Our blog is 3sorrells.blogspot.com and I did write quite a bit about Zoe's death in 2008 and 2009. We also send balloons up to Zoe, on every milestone, anniversary, and birthday. I too never realized how emotional that balloon release can be and it is now a ritual that we share with Zoe's sisters and has become a beautiful way to include Zoe in these special life moments. Keira keira@zoerose.org
ReplyDeleteI don't think you could ever know how much the story God has given you has touched me. How true it is that Ramsey had true child like faith - to be upset and have her meltdown, but then to be able to trust, go on and be happy. And to release her balloon so easily. True, child like faith.
ReplyDeleteI read this post last night and this morning as I was getting ready I prayed released my cares and concerns of my day and asked God to take them where He wants them to go.
I pray for you and Ramsey and Johnathan every single day. I really hope you feel God's peace and comfort with you.
Alicia, Jonathan and Ramsey,
ReplyDeletePraying for your sweet family. So good to see you guys the other day. Your family is so very loved,
Kristen R
I don't know you personally, but was sent your blog. As the mom of identical twin girls who are about the same age as yours, this was especially heartbreaking to me. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers and thoughts as you continue on your journey. Sending prayers, love and light your way.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful story, Alicia... We are praying for you all every day and are so touched by your grace.
ReplyDeleteMeredith
I'm crying reading this. I'm so amazed at your faith, and walking day by day. We are praying for you everyday. There are several moments through my day that I stop and pray for you, jonathan and Ramsey.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that you have an amazing gift in writing and sharing and being real! I know You are changing someones life by sharing yours,
Love you guy's
Brooke Greene
I am praying for your family. I learned of your story through Kelly's Korner. I have 15 month old twin boys and my heart aches for you.
ReplyDeletei just want to come and hug you and your sweet ramsey. you and your family are in my prayers.
ReplyDeletegreat idea releasing the balloon. my heart brakes hearing the story of the first time she went to the graveside and laid down. i think that those little people know more than we are really aware of... our prayers cover your whole family especially your sweet baby girl and her precious heart. thinking of you and praying for you all often.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, let me say that I don't have the right words. I don't understand a loss like this and my heart simply breaks for you. I have a friend that is experiencing devastating loss too, and I wish more than anything my love for my friend was enough for her pain to go away. I have a 20 month daughter and I can't fathom what your heart must feel, but I pray that God will reach into the depths of it and fill it with peace and love and hope. Thank you for sharing this story. I needed to hear it and don't think it's an accident that God brought me to your blog. Praying for you and your family. Praying for childlike faith tonight for myself and healing for you all. God Bless!
ReplyDeleteI don't know you personally but I heard of your story through a mutual friend. I read your blog and my heart breaks for you and your family. I have 2 boys at home and one on the way. Your story reminds me to take in each moment, even the seemingly insignificant ones. I admire your strength and courage and will continue to pray for you all.
ReplyDeleteWOW! What a great way to make it concrete for a sibling. I can't imagine what this time is like for y'all. I just pray that God will continue to give comfort and ease the pain of this loss.
ReplyDeleteAlicia, this was so powerful...every piece of it...how God spoke to your heart and to Ramsey's and how Ramsey (even at such a young age) seems to grasp so much about the loss of her sweet sister. I am so thankful to the Lord. I continue to pray for you guys often! God has used you in my life more than you know!
ReplyDeleteWow Alicia, you continue to amaze me! Still praying for you, Jonathan and Ramsey! You have touched so many people with your blog!! We will continue to keep ya'll in our thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThoughts and prayers from New Hampshire. Please know we are praying for your precious family.
ReplyDeleteI pray for you daily. Your words are so encouraging. I pray you feel God's presence every day. It is so amazing how you see His hand in the midst of all of this. I promise I will continue to pray.
ReplyDeleteWow, Alicia! Your words are a beautiful gift. I am just finding the strength to catch up on your last 3 three doodles posts. They all melted my heart..."balloons" was beautiful and I'm sure extremely emotional. Evie has touched the lives of so many people! It is truly amazing how many people you have touched through your blog and I hope that brings a smile to your and Jonathan's faces. Chad and I continue to pray for you, Itchy and Ramsey daily and I know that God is watching over you during this time. Your strength is so amazing!!! Our prayers are always with you! Love you guys!
ReplyDeleteColleen
Thinking and praying for you guys everyday :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.prayforjoseph.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteContinuing to think of you and your family. Praying for a peace beyond our humanly understanding for you...
ReplyDeleteAlicia, This is such a touching post, because we still, 12 years later, release balloons to my brother, John. He passed on Christmas Eve. There is something freeing about it. I pray each and everyday for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteLove and Joy in Jesus,
Ashley Miskel