The Harrison Family: November 2013

From Evie's Dad

On April 6, 2008 my First daughter was born. Catherine Grace Harrison. A beautiful blonde haired little girl. She was stillborn. I got to hold her and see her for a while. I'll never forget that moment. Although she never took a breath here on earth she has forever left her imprint. As many do I did not understand the why and didn't know how to "fix" this one. It tore me up to see my wife hurt and not be able to do anything about it. I also was dealing with losing my daughter and didn't know how to handle it either. All I knew was that I was a dad now but with no child to hold and love and take care of. I felt pretty helpless. To help me clear my mind I began running. It helped to have some time to think about her and talk to God. Listening to music helped as well. I'd ran in one 5K before with some friends for fun but other than that the only time I really ran was with high school sports and to train for some college boxing. Running definitely was not my passion.

After losing Catherine I wanted to do something to remember her. I decided to run a 5K (Firecracker 5K). Not sure why I was led to do that but that's what I did. We had a small group of friends and family come support us as I ran. I wore a pink armband in memory of her. For me it was special and a way to tell her that I loved her and would never forget her. I went on through the following year to run a few races and also tried my first triathlon. All with my pink armband. It probably didn't make much sense to some but that's what I did.

On March 25, 2009 we were blessed with 2 beautiful girls. Twins. Evie Grace and Ramsey Cate. Wow! What an amazing gift from God. I felt like the proudest dad to have those two beautiful girls in my arms. I always cherished those girls and liked to think I was a dad who tried to be involved with them as much as I could. For whatever reason I was always a "softy" on the inside when it came to being with my girls. I cherished every moment. I also cherished the happiness it brought back into our lives and the smile from my wife that I loved to see. The girls loved each other so much and always played together. I loved seeing that special bond too.

On December 9, 2010. Evie passed away. No warning, no doctors, no chance to help her. Just gone. Completely blindsided. Once again helpless. As a father, as a husband, I didn't know what to do. There is so much more I could say here as those who read this probably already know so I will leave that for another time. In my mourning I began running for the same reasons. I spent time with Evie during my runs. Talking to her and praying for her. Struggling with all the emotions that loss and grief bring. It was cheap therapy. I made playlist in my music that reminded me of her. Some happy, some sad, some fast, some slow. For those moments I felt a little better. I felt I was close to her and that maybe she could see me or be with me. It was our time.

I decided to use running again to honor my daughter. I thought it would be good to raise money in her honor for The Mid South Make A Wish foundation. We were drawn to that foundation for a multitude of reasons. One being an opportunity to give parents of a terminally ill child a chance to grant their child a special wish. And have a special moment with their child that may not have had otherwise. All knowing the possibility that they might lose that child. We did not have that opportunity with Evie and I know how that feels. It hurts.

I chose the St. Jude race in December. It is typically just a few days from the day she passed. It made sense to me. It was also for a great cause that helped other children as well. You can choose to run a full or half marathon and I had never done either. Therefore it was challenging for me and gave me plenty of time to train and be with Evie. I wanted shirts made with her name on it. To let her know we will never forget her. And to let her sister know how much Evie means to us. So that shirt with her name on it means so much to me. It's tough to see at times because that is my child's name, and she isn't here. But mostly brings happiness to see others remember her. It's all I know to do for her right now. Not sure why this, but I feel confident it's a good thing. In all honesty, I'm know that there are some who probably don't get it or don't get it's importance to me. I know it doesn't all make sense. A race team for a girl who's not fighting a sickness or is not still here? Or a race shirt for a St. Jude race that raises money for Make a Wish? May seem confusing but for me it's pretty simple. And it means so much more. It's how I honor my child and remember her and keep her name and memory in our lives and the lives of her sisters. It gives others the chance to do the same all while raising funds for another parent to give their child a wish of a lifetime.

The iRun4Evie shirts also have a deeper meaning. We chose the bible verse 2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." To be on the back of the shirt. Yes, this helps to inspire me to finish the "race" on race day but it also means more. It's speaks to the "race" of life. I choose to finish it. To not give up, not lose faith and not hang my head in defeat. I will not let the world defeat me with God by my side. This is not to say I won't stumble, fall or need to be picked up along the way. But I will keep fighting and plan to finish this race. And when I do I will see Evie again. I will see Catherine Grace and hold both of them so tightly in my arms. As David said in speaking of the loss of his child "I will go to him but he will not return to me". When that day comes for me, I like to think of the verse we chose for Evie's grave. John 16:22 " So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." What an amazing concept. Joy that can't be taken away.

To answer the question why iRun? Here are a few reasons:

iRun for the memory of Evie Grace Harrison

iRun for the memory of CatherineGrace Harrison

iRun to keep their memory alive

iRun to cope

iRun to glorify God and to turn a tragedy in my life into a possible blessing for another

iRun to raise support and awareness to an amazing organization MakeAWish

iRun to be apart of something special

iRun for those who have lost a child

iRun to leave a legacy that will make Ramsey and Reese proud

iRun because that's all I know to do right now. Just trying to finish. One step at a time.

So the final question is what do you "run" for? Whatever that is I hope this brings you confidence to finish your race. Thanks to everyone who has supported us over the years. We will never forget you.

If you like to donate in memory of Evie and support Mid South Make a Wish please go to

http://friends.wish.org/049-000/page/iRun-4Evie/iRun4Evie.htm

Weight: 26 pounds

Height: 34.5 inches

Head: 48

20 months is a little hard to swallow sweet Reese. Evie was 20 months when she went to be with the Lord. I can't believe you are already her age.

We are so thankful for you, Reese!

You sat up in your bed the other night, not crying, just sitting there. I couldn't help but go in and just get you out of bed and love on you. I think you knew I needed to do that.

We rocked, sat in silence and i thanked God for your life. Rocking you in the same chair as i rocked your sisters. Its hard to not get sentimental. Every now and then you would just look up at me. God was using you to give me comfort.

I had bible study this week. We have had a good discussion on rest this semester and this week we talked about resting in your past. Our speaker showed a video of a man who lost his son then lost his business, then lost all 3 daughters.

His name was Horatio Spafford and he wrote the words to "It is Well with my Soul" when he was on his way to meet his wife who was saved alone after a ship sunk with his 3 daughters.

I hear this song all the time. Its one that somedays I can sing and sometimes I cant even listen to.

I am sure one day losing Evie will be well with my soul but i am just not completely there yet.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:

If Jordan above me shall roll,

No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life

Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,

The sky, not the grave, is our goal;

Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!

Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.