....was crazy crowded!!!
Note to self: Do not go to Orlando in between Christmas and New Years! ha
We planned on going there after Christmas and decided to still go anyway. It was a nice trip with the family and Ramsey had a wonderful time!
Looking at Cinderella's castle.
They were doing a show when we first got there and she loved it!
Then we walked around and tried to go to some rides but the waits were all over and 1 1/2! Then they had Mickeys Christmas Parade and i think i liked it as much as Ramsey!
Her Favorite part..seeing "Ella"
Oh how i would have given anything to hear Evie gasp and smile when she saw her.
She was always so in awe of everything.
We ate lunch then Ramsey passed out!
Since we couldn't ride anything and lucky us didn't have to have our fingerprints scanned with our tickets, Rob was able to use moms ticket and we went back after Ramsey went to sleep!It was so pretty at night, the castle had lights all over it, we rode all the fun rides. We were thanking Evie all night because somehow we kept getting Fast Passes and not having to wait in lines! They had another electric light parade and then fireworks.
Ramsey really enjoyed the water this time around. Evie is my water baby and Ramsey usually doesn't like it as much, but she was jumping in from the side by the end of the morning. She even sat in the float!
After she woke up she started playing peek a boo with ashlee! ha
It was so funny seeing her hide behind my leg
Then jump out and just giggle! Music to my ears:)
Every time she sees our phones or my computer she says sissy and wants to look at pictures. She will sit there and watch videos and point to her every time she sees her. I am so glad we have these memories for her to keep forever.
We went to City Walk and ate dinner and rode the carousel.
Ramsey girl loves to dance and she headed straight for the Latin Quarter Restaurant and club and did her thing! ha
The rest of the week we swam, the boys played golf, me and Amber got manicures and pedicures, we did some Mall/Outlet shopping. Which were also crazy packed!
It was nice to be out of town with my family. We missed Evie so much and i wish i could have taken her Disney and seen her face and watched her watch everything, watch her swimming and just everything.
Reality set in today when i took Ramsey back to school today. Walking in without Evie, getting her belongings from the classroom, then i signed Ramsey in an Evie wasn't on the roll anymore. I lost it and this reminded me..she really is gone. The world is still turning. It's supposed to stop and for the weeks after she died and through christmas and our vacation its like it had but today reality set in. I am going to have to do normal everyday things, without my daughter. How am i going to do this? I cried leaving school and was happy to see my friend Kelly outside. I enjoyed my time talking to her, she was very encouraging to me. Then i got in my car and cried the whole way to chickfila (my comfort food) and then decided to go to our house and take down Christmas. I think i worried everyone when i said i was going to the house by myself, but i wanted to do it and needed to do it. It was nice to be alone. Then crazy me decided to get Evies clothes together because i want the ones with her name on them and special things to be made into a quilt. Boy was that hard, i cried the whole time, but what a release. I really needed a day to myself to do that. I usually am always trying to "hold it together" for jonathan and Ramsey and everyone but i didn't have to hold it together alone in my house. It was just me, God, Evie and well Maddie ( i made her come with me)
Then i got home and had an email from my sweet friend Erica.
She read Jesus Calling today and this is what she told me it said..
I want you to learn a new habit.. Try saying " I trust you, Jesus" in response to whatever happens to you. If there is time, think about who i AM in all My Power and Glory; ponder also the depth and breadth of my Love for you.
This Simple practice will help you to see Me in every situation, acknowledging My sovereign control over the universe. When you view events from this perspective, through the Light on My universal presence, fear loses its grip on you. Adverse circumstances become growth opportunities when you affirm your trust in me no matter what. You receive blessing gratefully, realizing they flow directly from My hand of grace. Your continual assertion of trustin Me will strengthen our relationship and keep you close to me.
Another friend, Betsy, sends me a prayer each day.
A friend of hers who lost her son said some days she didn't know what to say or pray to God about. I know for me personally somedays i don't want to talk to God. I know i should but i feel the same way, i don't have anything to say. She offered to send me a prayer for me to say each day and this was todays.
What a perfect prayer for today.
Dear Lord, My world feels like darkness yet i know with you there is only light ( Psalm 139:12) Shine your light into my darkness. Go to the deepest caves in my soul and give me hope that life will not always be this dark. You are my only hope. Help my unbelief. Amen
I first learned of your story through another website and have been checking in ever since. The Lord just has you on my heart and mind. I don't know exactly what happened to your precious, Evie, but I know that she is gone from you and being the mother of two, I cannot even fathom the road you are forced to walk, but I want to let you know that your faith shines through to all that come to this site. My sisters name is also Evie...I love the names you chose for your precious twins! I pray that God will shine a ray of hope into your darkest of hours! I'm so, so sorry that you are having to go through this! From one mother to another, ((HUGS))!
ReplyDeleteoh my dear...what a beautiful post. I'm so glad that you had a few days at Disney and the surrounding areas to have a smidge of gladness in a time of such sorrow. Your prayer was the perfect prayer for you today, and I want you to know that I pray for you and your family every day. Sweet little Evie is where we all can't wait to be someday, and I just can't imagine the excitement she will have when she gets to take you by her sweet little hand and show you all around the beautiful places of heaven.
ReplyDeleteI too found your blog through another blog and keep coming back thinking and praying for you and your family. The reality of your loss hit me when you said evie's name was no long on the roster. I just cried. thank you for your willingness to share your story, your sweet daughter's story and your family with us. My prayer for you today is Lamentations 3:22-24. Our father in heaven loves you, your daughter and your family and I'm so thankful to be apart of the family of Christ and lift you in prayer.
ReplyDeleteAs I have been following your blog I amazed at your strength and poise. You might not feel it right now but you are such an inspiration. When I read your words I am so touched by your honesty. Please know our family will continue to lift you up in prayer. Take care!
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post, Alicia...I can't read your blog without crying (I'm going to have to stop reading it at work). Thank you for being so transparent in sharing how you're truly feeling -- as all of our hearts are aching for you and your family, and your posts help us in knowing what to specificially pray for. You're an amazing women and mother---and I know Evie is proud of you!
ReplyDeletewhile i am very sad that reality set in, i am so proud of you and maddie going to the house. alicia, you rock. and you roll. and i love you. i still think about you everyday and i bet that sweet little evie is watching her momma with more pride than she ever imagined.
ReplyDeletewe love you harrisons!
When I first read your blog, I was so glad that you went somewhere to have fun for Maddie. It know your heart always had an empty spot for Evie. But God will continue to give you the strength to carry on, trust in him. Do not ever give up, he will not give up on you either.
ReplyDeleteAlicia, I have thought about your family so often over the holidays and prayed for ya'll. My heart is so broken for you and I pray that the Lord just surrounds each of you with a peace that passes all understanding. I pray especially for your sweet girl that lost her sister. I can't imagine what she feels or thinks, but I pray for her often!
ReplyDeleteAlicia, I am still praying for you and your sweet family everyday!! I read your blog and just cry at how gracefully you are going through all of this with such openness and willing to share your rawest of emotions. I can't even ever begin to imagine the amount of pain, anger and loss you feel. The picture of you holding the phone for Ramsey breaks my heart. The look on your face and the way she is staring at that says so much. I just love yall and will be praying for you so hard in coming days.
ReplyDeleteI am amazed at what an incredible person you are! I pray for you and your precious family daily. My heart hurts for you and I pray for comfort and peace like you've never had before. I am a mother of 7 yr old twins and I pray for your beautiful little Ramsey. I pray that she would be comforted and find peace in the only One who is truly able to give us these things.
ReplyDeleteHannah
Fayetteville, AR
Alicia,
ReplyDeleteI think everyone before me has said it perfectly! Grace, strength, faith, inspiration...these are all things you are showing every single day. I am in awe, really. I am glad, too, that you are crying and being upset and sad; it is perfectly normal. You have already shown enough strength to last you for years! :) You really are so inspiring, just as a life role model. Also, I agree with the other harrison family; I have to stop reading this at work. I really lost it ont the picture of you and Ramsey with the phone. She is so lucky to have parents as concerned, supportive, and insightful as you both to help her heal.
I still think about you, all of you, every single day. I check your blog, I look at older pictures, I go to your Facebook, I think of you and pray for you almost constantly. There is so much love and thoughts surrounding all of you.
Still keeping you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty. I have felt so many of the same things. A dear friend at church gave me the devotional "Jesus Calling" when our Hadley died. She said, "start with January 4th and then go do that date that it is and get started but you HAVE to start with January 4th." I had to share that with you as reading your blog, I see that January 4th also struck your friend. I am so glad. I will continue to pray for you as we are strangers we are also sisters in Christ and our girls have probably already met each other in Heaven.
ReplyDeleteI just have no words to express how amazed I am by your strength and the honesty of your words. I pray for you and your family and check back frequently as I find your faith inspiring. May the Lord always walk with you and thank you again for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that ya'll had a good trip with family. It was good to see Jonathan today, when he came to the office. We all think about you guys, talk about ya'll alot and continue to pray for you! Hang in there and remember we are all praying!!!
ReplyDeleteI am crying again too! Your faith is amazing because I am sitting here so mad that this had to happen. Why? My sweet Evie is sleeping and I just want to go get her. You are in my thoughts! I am glad you had a chance to go through all of Evie's stuff and have some time for grieving.
ReplyDeleteI have started and deleted this "comment" so many times. No words to justice what I feel for you guys. I pray for you so often. I am so thankful to read your journey of your heart. I hope that it is good for your heart to get it "out" by writing it. As I was looking at pics from Disney, I was wondering what you had done with Evie's clothes...what a great idea to make a quilt! Praying for the "dailyness" that you are getting back into.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through another blog and have been amazed by the grace and courage you have displayed through this terrible time. I wish there were magical words that would make things better for you and your family, but I know that nothing said will take away your grief. Your family has been in my prayers. May God's love fill your life with peace and may you gather strength from the love of family and friends.
ReplyDeleteOh Alicia, I just wept reading through this post about your trip to Disney and your trip to school and going through her clothes. I'm praying for you. I think about you everyday! And just feel so burdened for you and your sweet family. I am reading through the Bible chronologically. This morning I read Job 1-3. God brags on Job to Satan and tells him that Job is upright and shuns evil. Job's integrity was off the charts. I think of you right now and can just imagine the Lord bragging on you! I love where 2 Chronicles 16:9 says the Lord is roaming the earth looking for those devoted to Him so that he can strengthen them. I know you are devoted to Him and I pray that He gives you an extra portion of strength through the dark days. I loved the prayers and devotions you shared at the end of the post.
ReplyDeleteLord Jesus, Savior of our souls and comforter to those who mourn, please strengthen Alicia and her sweet family right now like only you can do. May they be able to trust you like never before and see your presence in incredible ways. Please send comforters, gifts of love and service, and anything else that they specifically need during the really hard moments! Thank you for loving on the Harrison's. Please continue to embrace them. We praise you Lord for your grace. May it flow deeper in their lives! In Jesus' Name, Amen!
In Christ' Love,
Casey Dycus
I worked a puzzle yesterday and it was a hard puzzle to work and there were times we wanted to give up because we couldn't see how it was all coming together. But we kept working it, and finally finished and saw the complete picture.
ReplyDeleteI told myself that even though things in this world don't make sense, I have to keep walking and talking with God and keeping the faith that I will see Him one day and I will see the full picture complete. And I will get it, completely.
I pray God gives you strength to keep going, to not give up, and to just keep the faith, and you too will see His final picture complete one day -and Evie will be there too. For she is not really gone forever, she just has a new home. It's your home too where she's at, and through Jesus she is helping you get ready for your new home - to live with her there intead, forever.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12
Alicia-
ReplyDeleteYou are doing it!! You are making it day by day, even though your road is dark and long! And I am so proud of you for enjoying time with Ramsey! I am also so glad you and itchy have such wonderful friends!
I continue to pray daily for all of you. Thank you for sharing where you are so that I know how to pray specifically. You are such a blessing!
Dianna
your strength and faith are amazing.
ReplyDeleteThere are no words. You are amazing and God is with you. I will pray for you and your family. Stay strong beautiful mama-stay strong.
ReplyDeletehttp://first-day-of-the-rest-of-your-life.blogspot.com/
Alicia, I have been reading your blog but not sure about what happened to your sweet Evie. Can you post what actually happened? May she rest in peace ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ReplyDeleteAlicia,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your life with us. Your struggles, your joys, and everything in between. I can't imagine what you all are going through right now...and all I can do is pray for strength and courage and patience and faith for you to get through each day. I love seeing Ramsey so happy at Disney and pray for her comfort as well. Please know that there are SO many people out there who are constantly in prayer for your family...
Hope to see you all soon,
Kristen
I am praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteKristin
There are so many people over her in Oregon (I found your blog in such a roundabout way, through another friend). As soon as I read about Evie, I told every praying person I know and we've been with you in spirit. I usually can't comment because I read your blog and there's so much chaos in my house but tonight I made a special effort to save it for when everyone was asleep. I love your friend for her prayers- WHAT A GIFT. St. terese of Liseux said, 'The only thing Jesus asks of us is our trust.' Sounds so simple, but is so hard. Know that you're not alone!
ReplyDeleteI started following your blog after Britney at DaveandBritplusone asked for prayer for you. I am so sorry for your loss. Everything you are feeling is normal. I lost my oldest son on 4/15/10 this year tragically in a construction accident, he was 31 years 11 months and 16 days old. I never knew they put that in those books you sign at the funeral home. It doesn't matter how old or what happens when a Mother loses their baby you feel the same pain, the same void, the same whole in your heart. I pray for you and your family. Isn't it wonderful to be blessed with praying family and friends for without that I don't think I would be able to raise my head off the pillow each day. I will continue to remember you in prayer.
ReplyDeleteHugs and as a friend and her Mother that both lost sons put on a flowers that were delivered to my house when my Corey passed....."Oceans of love."