The Harrison Family: 2010

Monday, December 27, 2010

Balloons

A child life specialist at Lebonheur suggested Ramsey release a balloon to symbolize Evie being gone and and not coming back. Seems rather harsh but we were told to be very concrete with her so that is what we have been doing.

We bought two balloons one with Evies picture for Ramsey and another one for us or for her if she got upset about the other one. We got to Evies gravesite and she did much better this time. When we went to the gravesite the day after her funeral, Ramsey laid down on the ground and didn't make a sound. It was so crazy to see. It was like she knew Evie was there or something. She went to the car fine but when we were leaving she had an absolute meltdown. We had to pull over and take her out of her car seat to try to comfort her and nothing worked, we tried to hold her, she wanted down, we put her down she wanted us to hold her. I have never seen her act that way and it was heartbreaking. I don't know if at that moment she realized Evie was gone or what. She finally calmed down and she hasn't done that since. She has actually been very sweet and happy which comforts us and helps us get through each day, so i am thankful for that. Please continue to pray for her little heart.

Anyway, i gave her the one with Evies picture on it and she immediately let it go and that silly balloon got stuck in the tree...

..and the whole time Ramsey is saying sissy sissy..i couldn't help but laugh, how ironic is that. You are telling your child to tell her sister bye and she isn't coming back and you release the balloon and it sticks in the tree next to us!

It was actually very emotional for us as well. Reality set in for sure, she really is never coming back. I find myself saying it over and over and i just can't believe it. I was holding the other balloon and i almost couldn't give it to Ramsey to let go. I didn't want Ramsey to have it because she just let the other one go without thinking and this had to be structured, right?! Then i thought about what Taylor said at Evies Funeral, we should have child like faith. Ramsey released her balloon without thinking. Why could i not do that? Why should releasing a balloon be so hard? Just do it Alicia, give Evie to God, let go of the balloon! I let her have it, she held it for a little while and then there it went, floating away freely going where the wind took it and then it was gone.

We headed to the car and after we strapped Ramsey in , Evie's balloon broke away from the tree and floated away. We told ourselves Evie wanted to hang out with us until we left :) We watched the balloon as long as we could until we couldn't see it anymore.

I never realized how releasing a balloon would be so emotional and symbolic at the same time. I am glad she told us to do that, i think it helped me more than Ramsey but she will understand it more when she is older. I definitely think this is something we will continue to do on their birthdays and other special times.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. Proverbs 3:5-6

in other words..release your "balloons" he will take them were they need to go!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Jesus Calling

Yesterday was hard. I don't know what happened but i think my "numbness" is wearing off. I just wanted to cry all day. I missed Evie more yesterday than i have yet. Its almost like i forget she isn't here and than someone says something and my heart drops. This is going to be such a long road for us. My previous post was exactly how i was feeling at that moment but then my attitude completely changed. I was angry and bitter and felt all alone even though my family was with me and i had 100 emails of encouragement from all of you.

I have found some comfort in the book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. Everyone needs to have this book. I know for me, its hard to find time to sit and have a bible devotion or alone time with God. I know this is important but to be honest i don't do it. We do try to read this book each day and have done so everyday since Evie passed away. I did not read it friday morning but then before i went to bed i did and this is what it said....

"Come to me with your gaping emptiness, knowing that in me you are complete. As you rest quietly in My Presence, My Light within you grows brighter and brighter. Facing the emptiness inside you is simply the prelude to being filled with my fullness. Therefore, rejoice on those days when you drag yourself out of bed, feeling sluggish and inadequate. Tell yourself that this is a perfect day to depend on me in childlike trust. If you preserve in this dependance as you go through the day, you will discover at bedtime that joy and peace have become your companions. You may not realize at what point they joined you on your journey, but you will feel the beneficial effects of their presence. The perfect end to such a day is a doxoloy of gratitude. I am He from whom all blessings flow"

I found comfort in his word that i am complete in Him. He is the only person that can make me whole. Not Jonathan,my family or anything else. Only him. I need to remind myself of this daily and when i feel alone, know that i can go to him and rest quietly in his presence and what's even better is to know that Evie is there to.

We have been looking at alot of videos and pics of Evie and just wanted to share a few favorites.

The last picture we took of Evie and its perfect.

Shows exactly the type of girl she was!

My beach bum.

She LOVED the beach when we went this year!

Playing with her BFF Mammie ( Maddie)

I wanted to just quickly say thank you to my sorority sisters.

Several of them put money together and bought us a mature pink dogwood tree in memory of Evie. What a special gift! We can plant it in our new home and every spring when it blooms we will think of our sweet Evie. It can also be a place for us to go sit and talk to her and for Ramsey to go as well. Thank you so much for doing that for us. Also, the majority of the guys that bought us our new roof were Jonathans fraternity brothers. We are thankful for the bonds we share and glad we "bought our friends" in college :) Thanks again

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

there are no words

I have heard this so much this week and i am starting to feel the same towards all of you.

I absolutely have no words to express my appreciation for all of the things that have happened to me this week.

One moment i am heartbroken thinking about my sweet Evie, the next moment i am thankful for the abundance of emails, texts, messages, flowers, food and blog comments that i read. Then overjoyed by my friends and the things they have done for us.

We are thankful for our Associate Pastor Taylor, our church family and Sunday school class.

We are thankful for the 700 plus people who came to celebrate Evies life.

We are thankful the anonymous person that paid for Evies Funeral Services. I will forever be grateful for what you have done. You are the most generous person and i know God will bless you for how you have blessed us.

We are thankful for each and every one of our friends. My friends that have come over and just sat with me, cried with me and gone out of their way to do whatever i have needed. Jonathans friends that went to our house ( for those of you that don't know, it is for sale) cleaned it, did the yard work and got it perfect for three showings this week( another thing i am thankful for because no one has come for a month) and thankful for those of you that bought us a new roof!! I was speechless when we went to by the house today. I was not expecting to see that. I was actually dreading going to to house and then once again God gave me Grace to get through being there by showing us how wonderful our friends are.

We are thankful for Jonathan's company and team mates and how gracious they have been and for the doctors and nurses Jonathan sees on a daily basis and how much they love our girls.

We are thankful for the amount of videos and pictures we have of Evie. We will always cherish these moments and Ramsey will too.

Most importantly, we are thankful for the 20 months we got to spend with our precious Evie Grace. She was a beacon of light, always happy, the best little dancer, the easiest and sweetest baby, her sisters cheerleader and Maddies best friend. I absolutely do not know what to do without her and i cant even begin to understand how Ramsey feels. She is out of sorts, sad, angry then happy. She is going through the same emotions we are but doesn't know how to tell us. She is sleeping alone, playing alone, taking a bath alone. She has never done this and i am heartbroken for her. She needs your prayers so bad.

My prayer for you is that you will love your babies every day, you will kiss them every day, you will hug them every day and you will cherish every minute you spend with them. I think back to the last day i spent with Evie. She wanted me to hold her and i was frustrated because i had so much christmas shopping, wrapping and cleaning to do. Did that matter, not one bit. I gave her a bath, put her pjs on, we read a book, i laid her in her bed and kissed her. If i had only known that would be the last time. You never know when something will be your last. What is crazy now is, i am not afraid to die. I always knew that i accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and because of that i knew i would go to heaven but still we are afraid to die. Not me, not any more. When i die i will be with my two sweet daughters who wonderfully share the middle name Grace. I need Grace now more than i ever have and i know God is giving it to me. I can feel it.

There are just not enough words or even the right words to say to all of you for what you have said and done.

May God bless you as much as he has blessed me.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Evie Grace Harrison

Our sweet Evie went to be with Jesus on December 9th.

We are heartbroken by the loss of our precious baby.

The celebration of her life will be at First Evangelical Church

Visitation at 11 am

Funeral following at 1 pm

and the burial at Memorial Park.

We appreciate your prayers during this time.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Just one week!

The holidays are here and we always seem to be so busy!!

This week alone we successfully completed four thanksgivings, went to two baby dedications, two baby showers and a birthday party, sewed 5 window treatments, 2 pillows and a bench seat, appliqued 4 shirts and i have still managed to decorate my house for christmas!

Wow, i just realized how tired i was!

a little photo recap for ya....

We spent our first thanksgiving in Jackson Last Saturday 11/20

The girls had fun playing with Ashlee

We always celebrate the November/December bdays at thanksgiving

the girls just wanted some cake..

A little wired after memos homemade strawberry cake!

Sunday morning we went to our friends church for Hudsons baby dedication!

What a wonderful thing to commit to raising your child to know Christ, the best gift you can give him!

Then after church we went to Lolas 2nd Birthday!

Ramsey decided to eat her cupcake like this?

very interesting

Evie loved the bouncy slide!

Thanksgiving Day was spent at our house with Jonathans mom and then dinner at Jonathans Dads house. I thought this picture was funny. I have no idea what we are laughing at but even Evie thought it was funny!

Cousins!

Friday we headed to Humboldt for Thanksgiving with my moms family.

Not very successful at getting a family portrait either! ha

The girls liked climbing in Maws tree

Saturday we had a baby shower for our friends Lindsey and Brad so Michael came to babysit and brought this wonderful contraption!!

Santas Workshop!

Before the shower we met Stephanie and J.Ed at Elfos for drinks.

Good times as usual, we gotta get you to move back to memphis :)

Sunday morning Garland got dedicated, then me and Jonathan kept the nursery. We keep the 0-8 mth olds, its so fun. I love rocking sleeping babies for an hour....dont worry, i am not getting any ideas ;)

Sunday afternoon we had a baby shower for Andrea.

This is Jenny and Natalie enjoying the curtains i made for Natalies house...

Sunday night we picked out our tree...

and met our new friend COCOA! ( our Elf on the shelf)

They don't really understand what he is or his point so we decided to just make it a game of finding coco when we wake up and they went straight to him this morning and check him out all the time! I wonder where he will be tomorrow?!

The girls helped me decorate the tree this morning...not really, they just played with the lights and empty ornament boxes :)

I did make them a special "ok to touch" portion at the bottom of the tree filled with stuffed ornaments and snowflakes :)

Now all that is left is to bring down the rest of the trees and we will officially be ready decorated for christmas! My most favorite time of year. I get completely out of control when it comes to decorating for Christmas but i love doing it!