Rutt

I had an entire post written then deleted it. I have done that so many times. It is much easier to throw some pictures on here and be done. Its much harder to write my true thoughts. I always think about others and if i would offend someone or if someone would be upset to find out my thoughts on my blog and not in person. I always reread them then just delete them. Maybe that alone is helpful to me. Sometimes i just need to vent but not everyone has to know my thoughts all the time. A blog is so open and i have been like that since Evie died but i guess i am just going back into my shell. I know that's not good.
To sum it all up its been one of those weeks. Reese has been waking up a lot at night, I had a root canal, Jonathan went out of town for the weekend. My dads uncle passed away so Thursday was spent celebrating his life with family and seeing and meeting cousins we haven't seen in years.
I met with a sweet girl who lost her son and we talked for a couple hours and told our stories. It was nice to talk with someone who can relate to you. I left sad for her and thinking so much about Evie. I finally listened to her funeral service this week. That was hard to do. Jonathan listens to it a lot since he is in his car for work, but i have been unable to do it. It was almost like an out of body experience. It was so weird to hear it but i could see myself sitting there and i just thought about that day. I also went back through some posts that i wrote after she died and it didn't even seem like it was me writing them. I was so encouraged and seemed "ok" and strong. Now, that is just not the case. We are coming up on 20 months since she has been gone. Thats how long she was with us and i just cant get over it.
I am trying to be a good mom to Ramsey and Reese. I am short with Ramsey and Nala puts me over the edge, a lot! So thats where i am. Maybe its the fact that it is so hot outside. Literally being out there for a second puts me in the worst mood! We need to get back in a routine i guess.