A Year Ago

Every now and then when i am thinking about Evie i look back at pictures from a year ago from the date. Not to harp on what was but just to bring back good memories and grieve her as well.

For those of you that don't know, we have found a house and are closing next week. I am excited and ready to move in but i asked Jonathan last night if he would ever feel like this house was home. We both don't think so, at least not for a while. Home is supposed to be "where your heart is" but mine is still very broken. This house might help to heal me, help me to "move on" but a home to me would be with Jonathan Evie, Ramsey, Catherine and Maddie( of course), my whole family in one place.

I was in the car the other day and missing Evie and i flipped to Klove. I swear God knows what i need to hear when i need to hear it. Klove has been very good for me to listen to. Anyway, the song Homesick from Mercy me came one. I swear it was my words pouring out into that song. If you have never truly listened to the words you need to. It is exactly how i feel, I have never been more homesick now. I mean we have been living at the house i was born and raised in since December, the place i was homesick for at camp but i have never been more homesick now.

Earth is our temporary home, i know this and in all honesty i guess we have all felt some sort of homesickness, earning to be with our Heavenly father and loved ones who have gone home before us.

I know this home will be a fresh new start for us, i want to be excited to start over but i don't want to start over. Its not fare that i have to start over and get used to the new normal i have talked about before. I want what i had in the pictures i looked at from August 4, 2010. Evie starting to walk more( she officially walked a year ago today) throwing Maddie a ball in the back yard waiting on daddy to get home. I know in the beginning i said not to harp on , its not my purpose but of course it is easy to do that.

I know this feeling of being homesick will never go away, some times it will be very prominent some days not as much. Its just a new normal feeling i will have to get used to until we are home again and i get to see this face.

She had been walking some but just started walking everywhere today

Look how different Ramsey looks!! She has grown so much!

I have never really thought she looked much like Jonathan until this picture.

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now