Two Months

I cant believe Evie has been gone for two months now. I thought the world was supposed to stop but then again each day is one day closer to being with her for eternity! I can't wait.
The snow is coming down pretty good right now, its so pretty. I know a lot of people are over it, but i enjoy it and now when it snows i will think of Evie.
I had bible study this morning and i am always very encouraged when i leave. We talked about the story when Jesus walked on water. To refresh your memory, click here.

We talked about what it meant to "step out of the boat" and what would it take for you to do it. How would you have reacted if you were in the disciples shoes, what sometimes keeps you "in the boat"?
One thing that spoke to me the most is when Peter got scared because the waves and wind were rough, he lost his trust in Jesus and started to sink. Peter called out to Jesus for help and my version says "immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him". I know most times and from the past two months i question whether God is there for me or not. This scripture tells me how simple it is, all you have to do is ask for him and he will immediately grab you and help you.
There have been several times where i thought he was letting me drown, or i felt all alone. But scriptures prove that that isn't the case. He might not be doing what you think he should be doing, but he truly has my best interests at heart.
Our last discussion was, what keeps you in the boat, fear of failure or inadequacy, you get busy or you are uncertain of the response you will get. I know from experience that i feel like once i am comfortable or get "settled in my boat" God literally throws me out and forces me to trust him. Sounds kind of funny but i think back to when we were pregnant the first time and lost our baby at 10 weeks. When we got pregnant with Catherine i was scared the whole time until we got to 10 weeks and i could breath, thinking we were good to go and then two weeks later, we find out Catherine has non functioning kidneys. I delivered her at 21 weeks on April 6, 2008. Then we were pregnant with the girls and i got past 10 weeks then i got past finding out if they had kidneys, then week 20 hit and i thought ok we are good to go and then..bed rest and emergency surgery and the fear of losing two more little girls. Finally, the girls were here and i could breath. We got through the Nicu and the girls were growing and becoming toddlers and everything was great and then..Evie is taken from us. If we have any more kids i keep thinking i am never going to get to a point where i can relax.

But we can't live that way, there is always going to be something that we are scared and worried about, there will always be obstacles in our life and heartache in our lives but while we are in the rough waters of life we should affirm to ourselves that God is trustworthy and will immediately offer his hand to us , pulling us to safety, not letting us drown.

Todays Jesus Calling

Seek my Face more and more. You are really just beginning your journey of intimacy with me. It is not an easy road, but it is a delightful and privileged way; a treasure hunt. I am the Treasure, and the glory of My Presence glistens and shimmers along the way. Hardships are part of the journey too. I mete them out ever so carefully, in just the right dosage, with a tenderness you can hardly imagine. Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among my most favored gifts. Trust me and don't be afraid, for i am your Strength and your Song.