Good Friday

It's a Good Friday because Sunday is coming!

I have never thought about this before until Friday night. We went to Highpoint for their service. Their pastor, Chris, said this and it made me think about our family. Good Friday was also April 6th, 4 years after our first daughter Catherine was born into heaven.

At that time I would have never thought that Sunday morning at 1:00 a.m. was a "good morning". At that time it was the worst morning I had ever experienced.

When we hear Good Friday we have to think what was so good about it? The man that was sent to save the world was tortured then put on a cross. That certainly doesn't sound good.

My first thoughts go to Mary. As a mother, what was going through her mind? Certainly she wasn't thinking it was a good day. Her heart was beyond broken as she watched as these men tortured her son and then she watched him die. She had to of thought why is this happening? I of course don't know how she felt but I can imagine her heartache. The same heartache I felt when I held my daughters for the last time. The same heartache I felt when they were both taken from my arms.

But there is hope, Sunday the tomb where Jesus body laid was empty! Jesus arose from the dead! And because of this, we have the opportunity to spend eternal life with him. How can you resist that? How can you say no to someone who would do that for you?

Most days it is hard but I can try to look at April 6, 2008 and December 9, 2010 as good days because heaven is coming. Because I will be reunited with my children and I will get to spend eternity with them!

I know it's hard to look at what we are going through as good but God will guide us through heartache and we will all eventually be reunited in a place with no suffering. All because of today, Easter Sunday when Christ rose from the dead to save us.

Happy Birthday Catherine Grace!

We love you so much and are honored God chose us to be your parents.

Even though your time with us was brief, we have hope that we will spend eternity with you.

Catherine Grace's Story

We found out we were pregnant again a couple months after we miscarried our first child at 10 weeks. We were thrilled but a little hesitant. We were so excited to make it to 12 weeks. We thought we were in the clear and everything was going to be great. Around 14 weeks we had an ultrasound done by a friend to try and see what we were having. We noticed my fluid was low so I eventually went in to see my doctor and have it looked at. My doctor then sent me to a high risk doctor for more testing. They discovered that our baby had non functioning kidneys. We were told she would not make it when she was born. We of course chose not to terminate, it wasn't an option and we were fortunate enough to have doctors who agreed with us. Our prayer was that everything would happen in Gods timing. In the middle of the night around 5 1/2 mths my water broke. We went to the hospital and by this time labor had started and with risk of infection, we could not stop it. After almost 20 hours of labor Catherine no longer had a heart beat, she was born immediately after that.She was perfect on the outside and was so beautiful. She weighed 1 perfect little pound and was 12 inches long. The staff was wonderful and allowed us and our family time to hold her. The hardest part was letting her go. At the time we didn't know what to do. We didn't know anybody that this had happened to . We didn't know it was okay to take pictures or even have a funeral and burial. We chose to have an autopsy done to find out more. They discovered that Catherine did not have kidneys at all. Her adrenal glands had swollen to the size of kidneys and that is what the doctors were seeing on the ultrasounds. We grieved for her and what might have been but I had no support from other mothers who had been through the same thing. Simply because i didnt know where to look. I didn't know about blogs at the time, I didn't know there were support groups and we never went to counseling or anything. We found out we were pregnant with our twins 5 months after she was born and I guess that helped me to move on and " get over it" persay. It wasn't until we lost Evie that I truly was able to allow myself to grieve her. I realized that just because she wasn't born alive, doesn't make her less of a daughter to us. We chose to put her name on evies gravesite. This allowed us to have some closure. Evie and Ramsey were named after their sister. Ramsey Cate for Catherine, which is my first name and Evie and Catherine both share Grace as a middle name. Interesting that we chose Grace to be their middle names. Grace is the only thing that gets me through the heartache of losing my daughters sometimes.